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the field of a skilled Companion did its work. She asked in wonder, "How can
you tell?"
"Gen secret, as Hank likes to say." She smiled the radiant smile Zeth loved.
"Actually, Marji, I haven't the least ideahow I do it I just let it happen.
Now, what has my insensitive son been doing to upset you so?"
Marji shook her head. "It's not Zeth. I expected to hear from home by now. I
guess I'm afraid of bad news."
Zeth's mother said positively, "If Owen had been thrownout, he'd be home by
now."
"If no one got him along the way," said Zeth gloomily.
His mother frowned at him. "I'd stake Owen against the Border Patrol any
day!"
As his mother took Marji into the house, Zeth decided to take his new horse
out for some exercise. He whistled for Patches and went out to the barn to
saddle up.
The bay filly had been a birthday present from the Bricks, although it was
Jana who had presented her, saying, "She's from Owen, too, you know." But Owen
had missed Zeth's eleventh birthday party, and the surprise party for Abel
Veritt, too.
Zeth had named the horse Star,thinking,Now I can keep up with Owen wherever
he goes! And then he remembered Owen was an adult, and he was just a kid. It
would be that wayforever!
Zeth remembered how he had felt just before Owen left the irrational, total
conviction of his imminent changeover. That conviction, more than anything,
had sustained him as Owen struck for independence. Now that certainty of
impending changeover had deserted him, and he felt lost.
He walked Star out of the barn, then turned onto the road and gave her an
easy warmup until they were cantering breezily along the road. Patches ran
ahead or behind, darting off to chase rabbits, barking joyfully.
Zeth was deep in his own thoughts.This is why Dad always says it's bad to get
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too dependent on a certain person. Of course, Rimon Farris was referring to
the dependence of a Sime ona certain Gen, or vice versa.But this is how it
must feel. I'm afraid of losing Owen. In changeover class, they'd taught him
that that was the way a Sime in need felt about a Gen he'd fixed on. It was
what made a Sime attack, strip selyn by force from the Gen and kill.
The specter rose before his eyes Owen dead, white and drained falling from
Zeth's own hands.
No! I won't.
The walls of Fort Freedom loomed before him, the gate lookout hailing him
with a friendly wave. Unable to think of anything else, he said, "I came to
talk to Mr. Veritt."
"He's at his house!" called the lookout, and Zeth walked Star on into the
circle of clean, white houses. Mrs. Veritt was on her front porch, hemming a
dress.
"Hello, Mrs. Veritt," said Zeth, getting down from his horse. "Is Mr. Veritt
home?"
"Yes, but he's about to go into town," she replied, just as her husband came
out.
"Hello, Zeth, can I help you with something?" Abel Veritt appeared completely
recovered.
"I ... just wanted to talk."
"If it's something we can talk about on the road, how about riding into town
with me?"
Zeth accepted eagerly children were not allowed to go into the town across
the creek except with an adult.
Slina, Mr. Veritt explained,had a Gen she didn't want killed. "It's getting
harder on her every year," he said sadly. "Someone has to run the local pen,
and Slina does it as humanely as possible. I suppose she can manage as long as
there are those who have need of it." He abruptly changed the subject. "Well,
Zeth, what did you want to talk about?"
If it's Marji's turnover,thought Zeth with sudden insight "It's your
turnover day! I'm sorry, Mr. Veritt!"
The old man smiled. "You're very sensitive, son. Usually no one notices but
the channels. Let's talk about you, not me."
"But that's just it.Turnover. Need. I ... I don't think I want to be Sime!"
It was out before he thought. If any Sime hated being in thrall to his selyn
system, it was Abel Veritt.
As if reading his mind, the old man said, "Your father will see to it that
you don't kill, Zeth. Then you'll learn control. Look at Del not even your
father notices Uel's turnover. Hank always knows, but I'm certain he just
keeps count, as part of his job."
Hank and Uel.All his life Zeth had heard the two spoken of in one breath,
like bread-and-honey."But what if Hank died or something?"
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"Merciful God!" said Veritt, pulling his horse up short, whitelipped with
shock.
"I'm sorry," Zeth said hastily. He didn't know where his manners had gone.
Things just came blurting out. "It's just that I don't see how anyone can be
sure of anything in life." That wasn't what he meant to say, either. He bit
his tongue, afraid to make it worse.
With studied calm, the old man urged his horse up beside Star. The hot summer
sun glared down from a cloudless sky. A lark took flight and Patches ran off,
barking merrily.
"I understand how you feel, Zeth," said Veritt quietly. "It's a feeling no
Sime can escape save for a few blessed moments after a transfer."
"It doesn't mean I'm going to be Sime, though."
"No," agreed Veritt, more readily than Zeth wanted him to. "There's no way to
know that until the first sign of changeover, or establishment." He sighed.
"You tempt me to my worst fault, son presuming to know God's will. Yet He has
allowed me to know it at times. He allowed me to recognize your father. Our
community must have other such channels, and you may be one. My granddaughter
is also a channel, though. She will require and need a Companion."
"She's getting along fine with Trina."
"For now.But if you should establish, Zeth, you'll inherit your mother's
abilities. She brought your father to his current capacity. There is a direct
relationship between capacity and sensitivity askRimon to explain it."
"You think maybe I was meant to be Marji's Companion?"
"Perhaps.Or perhaps you'll both be channels. God does not act without
purpose even if it's sometimes difficult to discern that purpose. He does not
offer us certainty, Zeth, but observing His moves, we can find confidence and
security in the goodness of His purpose. Whatever happens, it is for the
best when you've placed your trust in God."
But have I?Zeth always felt uncomfortable when Mr. Veritt spoke of his God.
His parents respected the strange beliefs of Fort Freedom, but taught that the
Creator of the world required nothing of man but to know Him through His
works, and gave nothing to man but the capacity to gain such knowledge.
"I think I placed my trust in God when I prayed for Owen to be Gen. But I
don't see what good it's done him or me. I know you've placed your trust in
God-I tried to tell Marji that when she was going on about you being a demon.
But I don't see what good it's done you. You still oh, shen!"He's in need. Why
can't I remember that!
Veritt didn't even admonish him for his language, though. "What's this about
Marji?"
Zeth recounted his brief conversation with her after lunch. "You're not
possessed by any evil spirit!"
"Yes, you are right. The need to kill comes from within me not from any
outside entity. I alone am responsible for the fact that despite years of
effort I remain joined to the kill."
"Joined ?"
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"While I've been recovering these last two weeks, I found it hard to zlin.
The nerve-burn made me hypersensitive and it was like coming out of a dark
cave into bright sunlight every time I went hyperconscious. But when I did
zlin other Simes, I found a ... thread ... a characteristic binding all of us
who have been unable to turn wholly to channel's transfer."
"How come my dad never noticed?" asked Zeth.
Veritt shook his head. "He took it for granted. He's zlinned it all along;
when I pointed it out to him, his reaction was, so what? Perceiving a common
characteristic in the nager of all Simes who kill is no help in teaching them
not to kill."
"I don't understand."
"Other Simes say we are unnatural. Surely the purity of the nager of Simes [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]