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THE SEVEN-DAY ITCH  105
Paula furrowed her eyebrows. What was Janet talking about?
 I glued my upper and lower right eyelids together with epoxy
by accident while building a model plane. Paula waited while
Janet paused.  I remember what that felt like, and it was not like
this, she whispered.
 What is it, hon? Paula asked, pushing down her impatience
so her voice would come out calm and soothing.
 Part of my Wngernail s gone, it s sunk into your back, it s gone.
Paula raised her eyebrows. Janet must be under more stress
than she d realized. What was she on about? Janet began to sob
in a strangled way.
 Paula, you re going to think I m crazy, even I think I m
crazy. She stopped and took a deep breath.  Paula, what does
this feel like to you?
Paula turned her head again. She shrugged.  I don t know. It
feels Wne. It doesn t really itch anymore. Maybe you could just
stay there all day, she joked, and then laughed. The laugh died
though; there was something about the quality of Janet s silence
that was even more disturbing than the sobs had been.  Janet,
what s wrong? Still silence, except for a kind of bronchial rat-
tling that must be Janet s breathing. Paula s voice rose.  What s
wrong, babe? No answer.  Come over here, she said, patting
her side of the bed.
Paula could feel Janet pushing against her back with her other
hand. Finally Janet stopped pushing and spoke, and when she
spoke it was as if through gritted teeth.  I can t. she said in a
hoarse whisper.  I can t. I don t know how to explain this, but 
and then her voice rose into a wail like a tidal wave   I m stuck
in your back, my Wnger s stuck and I can t get it out! Then Janet
panicked. By the time she stopped Xailing around both she and
Paula had scratches, Janet on her hand and arm and Paula all over
her back  and one long one across her cheek and the bridge of
her nose, which she got when she tried to turn and face Janet and
caught a wild arm on a sideswipe.
They both called in sick and then struggled to put on some
clothes. Janet found a sleeveless cotton jumper someone had
106  WITPUNK
given her once which buttoned fortuitously up the left side. It was
entirely unseasonal and it looked incongruous with Janet s hiking
boots, but that didn t matter. Paula was more diUcult to dress,
until they Wnally found a black sequined evening jacket which
was slit halfway up the back and had a deeply plunging neckline.
It looked very eccentric over jeans and sneakers; any time Paula
leaned to one side, one or both of her breasts would slip out of the
exotic neckline like plump unruly Wsh. Paula put her hair in a
ponytail and then stood in front of the hall mirror, head bowed so
Janet could see over her, while Janet tried to pull a brush through
her own hair. She was very nervous and wasn t really paying
attention; the result was an unusually lopsided frizz, but Janet was
too frustrated to keep trying.
They put Janet s giant coat over both their shoulders, Paula
poking her foreWnger accidentally into Janet s nostril as she tried
to grab the lapel; then they tried to get into the car. Eventually
they managed. They would have felt like a lesbian Laurel and
Hardy if they hadn t been so freaked out already.
Paula drove them to Angie s oUce. Angie had been Paula s
roommate when they were undergrads, and she had a thriving
 woman-centered medical practice. Paula and Janet had to sit in
the waiting room, perched sideways on adjoining chairs, until
some patient called in to cancel, and then Angie invited them in
to the examining room. She started to make small talk but stopped
when she noticed their strange clothes. She began to smile and
then frowned when she saw Janet s Wnger stuck in Paula s back.
First Angie tried to just pull it out. This didn t work. Then she
braced herself against Paula s back and yanked, hard, on Janet s
hand, causing Janet to roar in pain. Then Angie examined them
more closely. She tried to probe with a Q-tip, but the Q-tip got
stuck and then, when she tentatively pushed at it, was pulled in,
slowly, like a twig in quicksand, and disappeared. This made
Janet whimper, and Angie sat down hard in the visitor s chair and
got deeply red in the face. Paula kept trying to turn around and
see them, saying,  What? What? WHAT!
Finally Janet found her voice  a whispery, kind of choked ver-
sion of her voice   Oh Paul, you won t believe this, but Angie
THE SEVEN-DAY ITCH  107
just pushed a Q-tip in there and it disappeared! Paula rolled her
eyes and looked over at Angie, tapping her temple and glancing
meaningfully in Janet s direction  until she saw Angie s face.
Angie looked like she d just had an electrical shock. And she was
shaking her head, slowly, as if trying to free herself of something.
They went home and tried to Wnd a comfortable way to sit on the
couch. Angie had said she d do some research and call them, and
to contact her if there was any change. In the meantime they had
diUculty Wnding a way for Paula to pee, although it was no prob-
lem for Janet as long as Paula stood close enough, helped her
push down her jeans, and ripped oT the toilet paper for her. In the
evening after they d eaten  awkwardly, with Paula on Janet s
lap, although Janet, bless her, said it was  kind of romantic 
Janet said that she could no longer see her Wngernail at all. Paula
felt Janet go rigid; then Janet shuddered, her whole body rippling
as if a giant snake were Xailing inside her. Finally, exhausted,
they lay down together, in much the same spooning position in [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]